Dark eyes, filled with greed, nay, hunger, stared down at me from beneath a heavy brow. Kroniedor the great thief stood upon a ridge, the setting sun eclipsing his garbed form.

"I have found you at last Arechnidos!”

He cried out to me, my name on his lips spat with such spite that the clouds themselves parted in fear.

"Krony, mate, again?"

I replied with a small sigh, for 'twas the third time in a week I found my self proclaimed nemesis snapping at my heels. His lust for the jewel of Grisel was insatiable, he would never stop till he held it in his wicked little hands.

"You have run me an elegant game of cat and mouse these past years Arechnidos the Wise! But no more! For your foolhardiness has cost you today. Today shall be the day I strike you down with sharp steel, wild fire and clenched fist. Have you not learned after all these years? Never trust a beautiful woman."

I rolled my eyes. Of course. My own weakness for the smooth calves of tavern wenches had let me down again. And trust the wily deceiver himself to coerce my conquest into giving me away. In resignation I loosened my britches and unsheathed my mighty weapon.

Greyhammer the people call it, for though it tapers out to a tip, its breadth and heft liken it to the blacksmith's prime tool.

I heaved him forth and swung powerfully, perhaps dramatically. The air cleaved apart with a screech under the force of my empty blow. Kroniedor floated down to stand before me, kneeling in preparation.

"Fucksake mate, do you really have to pray every bloody time? I swear, next time I'll just start without ya"

Kroniedor remained still, but spoke out the corner of his mouth

"Prayers to the unholy one must not be forsaken you foul mouthed cretin. I would not expect a heathen such as yourself to understand"

I watched for a moment as the man knelt and pressed his hands to the ground in reverence. But patience had never been a strong suit of mine. I stepped forward casually and struck my blade to the dirt before leaning in to ask

"So... how's your sister?"

I could see his thin lips twitch in irritation beneath his crimson hood, but Kroniedor remained silent.

"It's been what... three years now? I hav'n heard nothin. She doesn't write anymore. Does she mention me at all?"

Kroniedor took a deep breath

"No, she does not make mention of you. And if she did, 'twould not be in pleasant speech, I can assure you"

I sighed as long absent memories of a slim lass with fine dark hair returned vividly to me. She had been my greatest conquest, moreso than even her mother, if only for the sole reason that my dalliance with her had truly driven Kroniedor wild.

"Ya know" I started "she really does have the best legs in Amuertan. I dunno how you could grow up without trying to get your hands on that fine piece of-"

"I would advise you not to continue down this path Wise One"

Kroniedor had apparently finished his prayers, if somewhat prematurely. For now his glaring eyes were fixated upon me, and hands rested against twin magical daggers. I considered for a moment, then with a grin

"-ass"

His roar of anger rolled across the valley like thunder as the mad thief leapt at me, pelting balls of flame faster than the heart beats. I ducked to the side and dragged my blade from the ground, retaliating with a cheap shot from a rock I'd been holding in my hand.

With my immense strength and excellent aim it was easy to strike his nether regions. I stood as he collapsed to the ground in a shaking heap.

"You are determined to rob me of the chance to produce offspring, aren't you Arechnidos"

Kroniedor's voice wobbled nearly as badly as his legs while he attempted to rise from the ground, hands clutching his prize jewels.

"Well I figure if they're gunna be half as ugly as you, I'm doing the world a favour"

His next strike came from both above and ahead. An old technique his crafty mind had invented. The bolt of lightning missed me by a fingers' width, and I took the flames upon my shoulder guard. Now the fun would truly begin.

The earth groaned as Kroniedor's deft hands formed the signs that drew forth the very ridge his ghastly visage had not long ago adorned. I cracked the flying rock clean in half with a great swipe of my blade, before raising my hand and uttering the mystical oath.

An enormous beast of radiant light erupted forth from my palm, only to be evaporated by a wave of green light that pulsed forth from Kroniedor's body. I braced myself against the wave and followed up with two swift swipes of my weapon, and from it stretched two brilliant streaks that struck the rocks behind him.

Kroniedor's form disappeared and reappeared behind me, lashing out with his weapons. His anger was growing, and the level of power he put forth with it. His twin knives, Sheer and Edge, clashed with Greyhammer, the force of our blows cancelling each other out. A rippling wave of air exploded outwards.

I rolled to the side, yanking my blade away, and pulling one of his with it. Swordplay was my friend, as magic was his. In close quarters I held the upper hand, which Kroniedor knew well. He teleported again, and upon reappearing, raised his hands and summoned a shadowy dragon from the air around him. It weaved forth, it's huge snakelike form cracking the ground. I took a running jump into the sky, launching myself effortlessly to land with a clank on the beast's back, where I buried my blade to the hilt. The creature vanished in a puff of smoke. But even as the magic dissipated, I was struck from behind by a colossal blow. I slammed into the ground so hard that I bounced. But I was on my feet in the blink of an eye.

"That was dirty mate. Hit a guy from behind ey"

Kroniedor launched a few more bolts of crackling lightning at me, each more intense than the last, which I dodged.

"No more filthy than you, you blasphemous scoundrel"

My hands quickly whipped up a blinding light spell. As he lifted his hands to protect his eyes, I launched my own barrage of lightning. It struck air just inches before his face. He raised his hand and clenched it into a fist. I found myself drenched in darkness.

"Least I make an honest living. You've been trying to steal the Baroness' gem for how many years now?"

My spell of healing restored my vision as I leapt to the side, tossing an exploding ball of power in his general direction.

"Only because you stole the gem first and blamed me for it! Ever since we were but children you've been the scoundrel and laid the blame upon me! I will have your head this time Arechnidos!"

The hilly edge of the valley erupted in dirt and bits of trees and shrubbery. A chunk of leg from what looked to be a cow landed beside me.

"It sounds like you have beef with me Kroniedor old buddy"

His answer was a gargantuan whirling mass of wind that rushed toward me. The tornado swept me up, but I raised my arms and made the symbols with my hands for a powerful weather spell. Suddenly my rigid body rested atop a tightly controlled whirlwind, and from there I spoke words of power that summoned great beams of light from the sky, striking the ground and searing anything in their path, leaving behind molten rock in their wake.

But my old foe Kroniedor was my match, and rose upon a pillar of stone to see me face to face. He drew his hands together and with a rumble dark clouds closed over our battlefield, followed shortly thereafter by pelting rain. The rain became shards of ice as Kroniedor twisted his fingers into arcane shapes. They shattered against his invisible barrier. I tossed myself forward from atop my perch, the ice smacking harmlessly against my armour and skin.

Greyhammer swung down in a vicious arc, missing Kroniedor's retreating form by a hair's width, then slicing clean down through his stone pillar to strike the earth with an enormous crack, followed by a rumbling earthquake as the ground split open from the force of my strike.

"Enough games Arechnidos! This ends now!"

Kroniedor slapped his daggers together, and in a bright flash of green light they merged to form a tremendous blade, wider and longer even than my enormous Greyhammer. I pressed my palm to the jewel on the hilt of my sword and whispered one more magical phrase. Greyhammer grew to be well over my height in length, and golden flames sprouted from its edges. With a great shout we ran toward each other and our weapons collided with a resounding clash. I followed up with a dozen lightning fast strikes, each of which Kroniedor deflected. His returning volley was equally fast, but I was able to thwart them each with ease.

Each time our weapons met, waves of pure force swept outward and devastated the landscape. The flames on my weapon flared as I prepared for one last mighty swing. Kroniedor's blade began to glow as he wound up for a parrying blow to match.

After a pause we struck out. In a brilliant flash we both went flying. I was able to land on my feet, but nearly toppled over in the process. Kroniedor lay on the ground, inert, on the other side of the valley.

I spoke words of teleportation and appeared by his side. He refused to look at me, turning his gaze instead to the sky.

I eased myself down to the ground beside him.

"Good fight mate"

...

"I hate you so much"

...

"Wanna grab a drink?"

He looked over at me, disgusted.

"You fucked my sister"

"And your mother"

...

...

...

"You're buying, you son of a bitch"